


A Tavern Tale

by dharmascholar



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bar Room Brawl, Drinking, F/M, Friendship, Hangover, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Old Married Couple, One Shot, Short One Shot, So Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 03:52:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17841932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharmascholar/pseuds/dharmascholar
Summary: The former Inquisitor and her best friend Dorian leave their spouses at home to celebrate at the local tavern. It goes about as well as to be expected.





	A Tavern Tale

Cullen and Bull were sitting in front of the hearth, playing cards. Elowen and Dorian entered dressed to impress. Bull didn’t look up. “And just where are you two going?”  
“Into town to celebrate. Don’t wait up.” Dorian trilled as they started to exit.   
“Celebrate what exactly?” Cullen didn’t look up from his cards.   
Elowen shrugged and waved her arm “Whatever!” Cullen nodded.   
“Have fun.” They started to walk out. “NOT TOO MUCH FUN!”  
Bull gave Cullen a knowing look. “That’s not a realistic expectation you know. “  
Cullen sighed. “Yes, I know.”

At the tavern it started innocently enough with a few drinks, which became a few more. Singing ensued, then dancing. Then dancing on the bar. A few highwaymen grumbled in the corner about the “ponce in the pretty clothes and the one armed hag.”   
Elowen stopped her revelry. “What did you say about my friend, here?”   
“I said a real man would never be seen in such fancy clothes.” She turned to Dorian.   
“I had no clue you were imaginary. This changes everything. Also your mustache is askew. But since you don’t exist...”   
Dorian rubbed his face to fix his mustache only to set it further atilt on his face.  
The highwayman didn’t stop at insulting Dorian. He slurred something about “--the uselessness of a one-armed woman.”  
Dorian turned his head. “She lost that arm saving your life you nug-fucking idiot.”  
The highwayman started to shift. His friend shifted in his seat. “What did you call me?”  
“He said if you were my dog I’d shave his arse and make him walk backwards!”  
The barman turned to the serving boy “Best run along and get the husbands now.”

The boy ran to the cabin and knocked on the door. The Qunari opened it. “Right on time then.”   
Cullen tossed his cards on the table and sighed. “Let’s got retrieve them, shall we?”

They could hear the rising voices before they entered. “I’ll set you on fire then raise your granny from the dead to haunt you, you piece of nug shite!” Elowen laughed.   
“He’ll do it too! And he’s the nice one!”   
Cullen turned to Bull. “It’s yours this time. That’s...that’s actually a relief.” They entered the tavern. Dorian was brandishing his fists at an equally besotted patron. He kept snapping in the highwayman’s face as if he couldn’t remember how to get his magic to work.   
Elowen was behind him with fist raised. “Oi you twink, does that even work without a staff?”  
“Probably? Can you engage in fisticuffs with only one fist?”   
“I jab it twice as fast. No one gets to insult us and live to tell the tale!”  
“Oh yes they do.” Cullen picked her up and flung her over his shoulder. Bull did the same with Dorian.   
“Watch the robes, darling, they’re silk!” Bull grunted at him.  
The patron felt emboldened. “Run away home now little ones. Come back when you can hold your liquor.”   
Something about this incensed Elowen. “I can hold my liquor. And his, and yours you sweaty git.” She struggled to get down but Cullen held firmly to her legs. She kicked him repeatedly in the abdomen. They carried them out into the night air. As they walked past the fountain in the center of town Elowen yelled “Care to flick a farthing? You don’t have a farthing to flick!” and then laughed uncontrollably.   
“What the fuck is a farthing?”  
Bull turned to Cullen. “It’s going to be a long night.”  
“And a worse morning.” Cullen sighed.  
“Only for him.” Bull poked Dorian in the ass. “I plan to enjoy every moment of it.”

It took awhile for them to wind down once they were back. They sang (poorly) and tried to dance (even more poorly). Dorian tried to tell a joke but kept forgetting the punchline. Cullen and Bull continued to play cards while the two of them entertained themselves. 

Bull got up from the bed and drew the curtains wide. “GOOD MORNING KADAN!” he boomed.   
Dorian groaned and reached for a pillow to cover his face but found none. Bull had taken them from the bed already. Dorian pulled the sheets over his head. Bull pulled those off the bed as well. “Oh, no, Kadan, it’s time you paid for your playtime. Let me get you breakfast. A hearty meal will do you some good.”  
“You’re enjoying this you twisted beast.”   
“Yes I am. Now get up and eat.”

 

Bull’s voice woke her. Elowen’s eyes bolted open and she moaned loudly, pulling the pillow over her head. Her stomach seized and she rolled over, face to face with Cullen, squatting by the side of the bed, bucket in hand. “Well, you’re pre--” She vomited the contents of her stomach into the bucket and then wiped her mouth. “--pared.” He handed her a wet towel to wash her face and moved the bucket to the far side of the room. Cullen then set a glass of water on the night table.   
Elowen washed her face with the towel and pulled herself into the fetal position. She talked into the pillow. “I hear Bull is helping Dorian to regret his life choices again.”  
“He thinks I should do the same to you.” Cullen sat on the edge of the bed.   
“You should. Serve me right. You’re too good to me.” He kissed her forehead.  
“Your breath is terrible. Let me know when you can stomach food.”

Dorian dragged himself to the table where he was greeted with a plate of runny eggs. His stomach turned sour and he retched.


End file.
